It is not so much about leveling up for me. It is about becoming the level- my best level in whatever that means for me consistently that will always be there without fail. I could never sit in this place if this was contingent on what everybody else does or thinks. How boring and oppressed do we want to make ourselves?? It is our choice. I prefer to inspire and I like to resolve problems where I see any. The only way to do that is by coming up with solutions. And there are a myriad of ways to resolve anything for the better.
In this way, I can always be the one who can own and either be accountable for or take credit for where I sit after I have then either failed at or I have accomplished something. It is how I develop my own process to solutions. This might be why I have repeated the same mistake twice. I will sew a patch over the same hole over and over. Problems only exist where poor, sometimes outdated solutions are applied. I believe anything can be fixed. It is never the problem or the mistake that matters to me. In that, I never have anybody to blame or point the finger at but myself for failing at anything. But also, nobody can take credit for or take away what I have personally accomplished. I do not take short cuts, the easy route, play sides, politics nor have I EVER used or attempted to use my sexuality to get me anything in life. I have enjoyed making the free things in life my best things and I have enjoyed making them matter and making them count. I have also preferred the scenic, less-traveled, unknown, winding road.
Also, I understand that things have happened and will sometimes happen as a result of something that was an accident or out of my control/never planned for. Things will also happen on purpose based on the choices I have made and where I have followed those choices. In those cases, I “made my own bed”. Where I sit and the way that I experience all these things is predicated by how I am perceiving and/or reacting to these experiences-unexpected or chosen experiences.
I have learned that my choices should never be contingent on what the average or norm looks like or by what anybody else is doing or telling me to do in hope of controlling/manipulating me. This is totally the definition of judging. And idealizing. Ideals are individually owned. I could never own your ideals. I would never want to. Who would ever be unique and/or empowered as we are intended to be?? This is where I learned that people have idealized me. And as long as I fit in that box, I realize that I only fit based on their own selfish needs and shallow, close-minded ideals and perception of ME. What in the hell is that?? Once I do not fit their ideal and/or need anymore, I am generally discarded. And this is how people are. It is so wrong.
I see clearly that THIS is the dynamic responsible for why we live in the judgmental, segregated, selfish, greedy, materialistic, money-hungry world that we do. People do not treat people as human beings to connect with, teach, learn from and grow as the norm. Connection is so detached and impersonal and fleeting anymore with technology and this enables us to treat people more like objects or conveniences rather than as people. And now, instead of “spreading the love”, instead, there are soooo many variables in actions, from person to person, that predicate how one will use, idealize and discard you. I do not wish to elaborate on that right now as it looks different for everybody.
In summary, I have seen straight through this defect in human characteristics for so long and my aim and disposition was to always be the opposite of it once I was aware of it on both spiritual and fundamental levels. Thank God for THAT! So, if you have never thought of things in that way, I am here to be a voice of reason for it. I’ve got this voice and everything I need to navigate this world. And I am SUPER good at it-well, most of the time anyway. At the end of the day, we can only control ourselves. So be mindful and aware of YOURSELF as it relates to being loving, kind, forgiving and compassionate to others. This is what we would ALL want I would think.
Anyways, I digress. As I was saying, level up by becoming the level. The level of love. Love of self. Then you may properly love others. Let go and relinquish control to your higher power/highest source of self. That is not done of your ego. The ego is your lower vibrational self. Go to your higher self. AKA “Give it to God”. GOD IS LOVE.
You don’t have to be religious to understand this concept either. But if you DO get it? Serious changes, transformation and an awakening of so much that is good happens and you begin to see the world and people in the way that it was intended. Odd as this sounds, this process is NOT intended to be easy either. Because we literally have to work so hard on our individual selves to undo all of our “hardwired” ways that have been passed down to us historically, genetically and superficially. When you seek deep truth, some of it is downright ugly and so hard and frighteningly uncertain-and should make you realize that you are always a work in progress.
It is an odd feeling when you learn that most of who you have grown up to believe that you are and who you should be is a lie in that it is largely centered around the ego and mass control mechanisms in place that have up to this point, defined our world and NOT for the greater good.
Then, when you look up the word “government” in the dictionary, let THAT sync in. I have. Seriously. Go look it up. How do you feel about it knowing where we are at today on a world evolutionary level? Who exactly is helping who here? I look around and see a bunch of hurt, misunderstood, lonely people in the world. But that’s just me. What do you see? Is it what is RIGHT and how GOD would have wanted it? Think about that long and hard.
In light of all this, it is so worth it when you sit in moments of dark silence with nobody but yourself full of profound wisdom, love and acceptance of all things. Because now you know. Now you are aware. And you have worked on versions of yourself for so long to get here. Keep fighting. Keep persevering. And never stop loving yourself and others. Instead, look for reasons to do just that.
So, going back to that thing I said about how we can only control ourselves and reactions to our perception and understanding of our experiences, people around us and the world we live in? I am so happy and content with where I am at. Are you?
Have a FABULOUS day people.